{"id":1157,"date":"2015-07-28T12:53:11","date_gmt":"2015-07-28T10:53:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/?p=1157"},"modified":"2015-07-28T12:53:11","modified_gmt":"2015-07-28T10:53:11","slug":"25-one-liners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/25-one-liners\/","title":{"rendered":"25 one liners"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3 class=\"chunky\">1. Parallel lines have so much in common.<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s a shame they&#8217;ll never meet.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">2. My wife accused me of being immature.<br \/>\nI told her to get out of my fort.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nOne, they&#8217;re efficient and not very funny.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">5. What do you call a dog with no legs.<br \/>\nIt doesn&#8217;t matter; it&#8217;s not going to come.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they&#8217;re gonna pay.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">You have my Word.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">7. What&#8217;s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?<br \/>\nA pool table.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.<br \/>\nPoor bastard.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">9. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?<br \/>\nYou look for the fresh prints.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.<br \/>\nEven the cake was in tiers.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.<br \/>\nRuns in our jeans.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">12. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.<br \/>\nHe yells &#8220;Don&#8217;t do it! You have so much potential!&#8221;<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.<br \/>\nThe bartender gave it to her.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">14. Want to hear a word I just made up?<br \/>\nPlagiarism.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">15. Why do cows wear bells?<br \/>\nBecause their horns don&#8217;t work.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?<br \/>\nAye Matey.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">17. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag &#8211;<br \/>\nYou can hide but you can&#8217;t run.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">18. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.<br \/>\nIf anything, it made him more sluggish.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">19. And the Lord said unto John, &#8220;Come forth and you will receive eternal life&#8221;<br \/>\nBut John came fifth, and won a toaster.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">20. Q: How do you think the unthinkable?<br \/>\nA: With an itheberg.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">21. Someone stole my mood ring,<br \/>\nI don&#8217;t know how I feel about that.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">22. I tried to catch fog yesterday,<br \/>\nMist.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">23. The first rule of Alzheimer&#8217;s club,<br \/>\nIs don&#8217;t talk about chess club.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?<br \/>\nIf it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.<\/h3>\n<h3 class=\"chunky\">25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.<br \/>\nShe looked surprised.<\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It&#8217;s a shame they&#8217;ll never meet. 2. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. 3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor. 4. How [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-diverse"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSQsk-iF","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1157"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1158,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1157\/revisions\/1158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dan.thoeisen.dk\/hjem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}